Do Your Kids Use Private Browsing to Hide from You?

 
“Our kids are growing up on a digital playground, and no one is on recess duty.” – Kevin Honeycutt

Do you really know what your kids are doing online?

Sure, you may sometimes check their browsing history.

But are you sure you’re seeing the whole picture?

Have you heard of private browsing? Incognito mode? InPrivate mode?  Stealth browsing?

Because, chances are, your kids know all about it.

Going Incognito

The Oxford dictionary defines incognito as “having one’s true identity concealed”. (Incognito also happens to be the name of Google Chrome’s stealth browsing feature).

If you use Safari (Mac, iPhone, iPad or iPod), you’ll likely be familiar with Private Browsing.

And if you’re running Windows on a laptop or PC, you may have heard of InPrivate?

Whatever name they go by, they all do the same thing.

Private browsing hides your digital history by:

• not saving your search history.
• not saving your passwords.
• not auto-completing forms.
• not allowing websites to add cookies.

Used properly, private browsing can help manage your ‘digital footprint‘. (Think of your ‘digital footprint’ as the breadcrumb trail you leave behind when you visit a website).

But, used improperly by your kids, it’s also an easy way to sidestep critical parental guidance.

It’s like your kids sneaking out late at night to go places and do things they know you would not approve of…while you have absolutely no idea they are doing it.

Private Browsing: Healthy or Harmful?

There are many legitimate reasons for using private browsing.

• On a shared device and don’t want the browser to remember your password? Check.
• Buying a gift on a shared device and you don’t want to spoil the surprise. Yep.
• Don’t want tracking cookies added whenever you visit a website? You betcha!

But equally, there are shady uses of incognito browsing to cover one’s tracks.  

And most kids know about them.

Is Childhood a Lost Cause?

When you child uses private browsing, they effectively erase their digital footprints. (From their parents, at least).

You cannot see what websites they’ve visited and when.

Which is why private browsing is a big concern for parents.

A recent study found 53% of 11-to-16-year-olds had seen porn.

And by age 14, that percentage had risen to 94%.

A saving grace? The survey found youngsters were more likely to accidentally discover porn, with 28% of respondents seeing pornography via pop-out advertisements or the like.

Still, that’s 94% of 14-year-old’s who had seen porn 6 years earlier than the legal age.

And it’s not just porn.

Cyberbullying, extremism and sexual predators are just some of the other nasties out there.

(Not to mention malware and viruses that may lurk on sites kids visit using private browsing).

And if your child is using private browsing, you’re none the wiser.

Kids Will Be Kids

OK, so that’s the dark side – but don’t jump to conclusions just yet.

Chances are your child is not a porn addict or visiting extremist websites.

Despite what we might think, most kids don’t wish to see porn or other unsavoury content.

In fact, a recent study found kids want social media companies to do MORE to protect them from porn, self-harm, bullying and hatred.

The real reason your child might be using private browsing could be far more innocent.

But they could use private browsing to access social media accounts without you knowing.

Defining the lines of privacy has always been an issue as kids learn to define themselves.

But parents have a responsibility to keep their kids safe, both in the real and online world.

They even have a legal responsibility in some cases.

You could go down the route of reminding your kids who pays for the internet and devices.

While this is a valid point (and worth remembering), we recommend that you open up a wider conversation with your kids about technology use and online safety.

4 Steps to Get Back On Top of Things 

If you are worried your kids may be hiding their web activity, here’s a framework to help you gain the confidence, insight, and tools to tackle troublesome private browsing issues.

#1: Recognise that your knowledge and experience is invaluable.

There is a ‘clueless parent’ myth out there that says parents should not manage their kids’ screen use.  That somehow we lack the credentials because we are new to this technology compared to our kids who have grown up with it.  This myth holds that kids are better judges of how they should use their devices and time. But while our kids may be digital natives who use their gadgets with ease…. we as parents have the critical life experience, greater adult maturity & better judgement that they need for guidance.  (Even when it comes to tech!)

#2: Make tech talk part of your regular family conversations.

What’s the secret to a positive talk about screen time, private browsing, and other tech issues?  Understanding your child just wants to feel and be heard!  You don’t – and shouldn’t – try to have all the answers.  Instead, focus on asking questions.  What do they enjoy doing online, what’s popular at the moment, what makes them uncomfortable online, what do their friends like to do?   Not only does this show empathy and builds a more trusting relationship, but it could shed light on issues and interests that you may not even be aware of.

#3: Accept that your kids will sometimes argue with you.

After all, pushing boundaries is part of growing up.

Read The Letter Your Teenager Can’t Write You (Yet) to understand why.  It’s an eye-opener.

#4: Use a screen time tool that can handle private browsing and incognito.

Kids need help building good digital habits.

Habyts makes it easier for families to manage those common screen time ‘gotchas’, like incognito mode.  (Which is why we built the product!).

OK, Time for the Nuts and Bolts!

So now you hopefully have a better understanding of private browsing.

You also have a 4 step framework to address it with your kids in a positive way.

But what practical set-up do you need to actively discourage them from hiding harmful web activity from you, or simply prevent them from accessing incognito mode altogether? 

Well, that’s the subject of our next blog. Stay tuned!