“Teaching children to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best”. – Bob Talbert
How can we expect kids to grasp the significance of school…
…before they leave?
Adult life promises much bigger adventure – their own money, a zippy car, exotic holidays, finding love…and maybe even a house!
Who really needs to speak French anyway? Or do algebraic equations? That’s what computers are for right? (Yes, sometimes our kids are not even being sarcastic when they say this).
It’s only as we get older that we appreciate the importance of the journey itself…
…the value of learning to learn…
…and the practical impact of a formal grading system in terms of opportunity.
So it’s only natural you want your child get to good grades.
But don’t heap too much pressure on the kids – in fact, it’s counterproductive.
There’s a balance to be struck.
Here’s why:
Grades aren’t the be-all and end-all
There I said it.
For some, school will be the start of a long academic journey. They might choose to go to College, University, take a Masters or do aPh.D.
Or they might choose to get out into the world of work to learn a trade, do an apprenticeship or take a course in their spare time.
So, yes, grades are important.
But the truth is, learning to learn ultimately trumps just learning a particular topic.
So if your child isn’t quite achieving the grades you’d like right now – don’t panic.
Some kids perform better outside of the classroom than in.
And heaping more pressure on them won’t encourage them to knuckle down.
In fact, you might be doing more harm than good.
Parent pressure backfires
We all want our kids to do well in life, and for many parents that means perfect grades.
BUT while school grades can be a good indicator of success later in life – too much pressure has a high price.
Putting immense pressure on your kids to perform in class can lead to stress – social, emotional and physical.
And we all know, when you’re stressed, you’re not performing at your best.
It’s a catch-22.
Researchers from the University of Reading found that when parents push their kids beyond their capability, they actually perform worse.
So what can parents do help their kids achieve in school without being overbearing?
Share the load
Helping your child appreciate school is daunting — especially if their report card is discouraging.
Here are our top 6 tips to help encourage kids to take responsibility for their school work.
1) Get your child’s teacher (or teachers) on board
If you know your child is likely to have ‘areas of concern’…then make an appointment early in the year.
Start with the teacher that has overall responsibility, e.g a form or classroom teacher. Then, if necessary, maybe move on to the specific subject teacher.
Use these meetings as a chance to show that you are there to support their objectives. Then tell them a bit about what has historically worked well with your child.
Start a partnership – before you need it!
Consistent contact with the teacher means they can give you the heads-up about underachievement in certain areas, or helpful advice and information…
…so that you know what to expect…
…and to say to your child…
…ahead of the report card!
2) Remember…your child’s report card belongs to them
We all remember that anxious feeling when getting your report card to take home to your parents.
Even if you worked hard and performed consistently well, you always wondered whether your report would reflect it.
And what your parents would say!
(In fact, would you be nervous about getting a Parent Report Card today?)
Seriously, though, the report card is a perfect opportunity for kids to take responsibility.
And for you to set a supportive tone – without the judgment.
Use this opportunity to read through the report card together. Discuss the good merits as well as any areas for improvement:
- Encourage them to take pride in their effort – not just the grades themselves.
- Teach your child to stay “connected” with their grades – to avoid surprises.
- Set goals for improvements in areas where your child is falling short.
Focus on progress…not perfection.
3) Look for signs of progress besides grades
Grades are only one measure of success.
Actions are another good sign of progress and can include:
- Following the teacher’s instructions
- Relating well to other children
- Being respectful of others
In fact, many schools increasingly focus on “learning habits” rather than just attainment of grades.
Let your child know that you see efforts and improvements in these areas…which show growth and maturity on their part.
4) Find the positives
Shift your focus toward the positive aspects of your child’s school performance.
Struggling to find anything positive?
Start with “thanks for showing me your report card”. Or “I know you might be frustrated with school – it takes maturity to share your results with me.”
And if you had to fight them for it, then maybe you can say: “I’m glad that your grades mean something to you – let’s work through any issues together.”
Although negatives have a tendency to get your attention and trigger strong emotions, you’ll get further when you ‘catch them being good’.
5) Don’t forget to praise
Use positive praise to help reinforce your child’s positive behaviours and progress at school.
When you use positive praise, be specific about your child’s attempts.
Instead of saying, “Wow, you did great,” say, “I saw that you put a lot of time and effort into that book report, you must feel proud.”
When you‘re specific in your comments, you‘re telling your child exactly what you‘d like them to do again in the future.
And If you praise effectively, your child should start to see what they did “right” and want to do more of it in the future.
Don’t give power to negative behaviours by overly focussing on them.
6) Keep your feelings under wraps
Avoid expressing or connecting your own emotions with the child’s grades or performance at school.
Remind yourself that these are their grades, rather than yours.
In other words, avoid taking the grades personally.
Besides, we already have enough guilt as parents!
Do you have any top tips to get the most out of your child’s report card? What do you find most frustrating about grades?
Why not share them with the Habyts community in the comments section below.
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