I’m not Victorian-style strict with my children but they definitely know what’s acceptable behaviour and what isn’t. Obviously knowing it and acting on it are two different things! However, here I’m not talking about flouting on the really major stuff, more the petty day-to-day transgressions and bad habits, which are tiring and induce the dreaded nagging.
Days often include quibbles about reoccurring issues. I recently took a step back and realised that I’m guilty of a good many of the things I tell the children off about. So, basically, I don’t always lead by example. We are addressing these ‘misdemeanors’ together…
Technology/toys at the dinner table
The Nintendo DS, Leap Pads, iPads and various toys were making their way to the dinner table and I made an issue of it. They weren’t used mid meal but were still quite a distraction. However, my iPhone was at my side every meal and proved just as much of a distraction. A text or potential work email would ping and I’d be straight on my phone to check. We now have a no toys/technology at the dinner table rule for all of us.
Getting up from the dinner table mid meal
The kids jumping up to get something or going to the toilet mid meal was driving me nuts, but guess what? I was jumping up to get a drink or quickly put a load of washing on whilst the kids were eating (unfortunately during the week my husband is too late home for us to eat with the children). I’m trying to get more organised so I don’t have to leave the table for any reason, and I now give my children a five-minute warning ahead of dinner being served so that toilet trips and whatever else can be done before sitting down.
Interrupting during conversation
I confess I do interrupt (well more overlap according to me) when I think something is important to the conversation. However, I tell the kids off when they talk over each other or me. Thinking about it though, they probably feel that their interruption is equally important. Often it isn’t a rude interruption, more excitement when there’s something they can add to a conversation. I’m making an effort to not butt in when they’re talking and only chip in to reinforce and support what they’re saying. I’m also learning to be more understanding when they do interrupt if it’s just because they’re really excited to tell us/me something.
Using mild expletives (or substitute ones)
My eldest has this really annoying expression of ‘dang it!’ She knows that it isn’t a real swear word, but she uses it in the same way, so I think it’s just as bad, and I tell her off for it. I really need to check my own vocabulary first though. I often use the word ‘shoot’ instead of another word (that omits the oo and replaces it with an i!). Why is it acceptable for me to use a substitute mild expletive but not them? Well it isn’t. Children pick up things – including bad language – from their peers, but they listen to and copy mum and dad more than you’d imagine!
Procrastinating
I always think that I’m super efficient with my to-do list, and I am pretty good until I get to something I really don’t want to tackle, then I have some great avoidance strategies. What a surprise, so do my children! If they see me putting off tasks to do something that’s easier then naturally they’ll do the same. Of course they don’t want to tidy up the entire playroom, that’s really hard work. I now make sure that they see me doing stuff that I really don’t want to do, and I try to break down their ‘difficult’ tasks into smaller more easily achievable ones.
In conclusion
It’s so easy to get irritated about what we as parents deem bad habits. It’s also easy to get into a loop of just telling off instead of addressing the issues at hand. I’ve found it a very useful exercise to look at my own behavior and traits. It was quite sobering to discover that a lot of these ‘bad habits’ were picked up from me! I’ve tried to become more understanding about the things that niggled me and have modified my behaviour. I’m pretty sure that my daughters appreciate this. Ultimately leading by example is the best way to encourage the behaviour we like to see and discourage that, which we don’t.